Today’s topic is one that -probably- seems to go under the radar. Either we (as gentlemen) are not putting attention to it or, is just one difficult to address. This one comes from personal experience and from talking about it with other gentlemen as well. Here it goes.
Chances are that when you’re around 35 you’re going to meet a younger girl. She will have you head over heels and, your natural approach to the situation will be to think that you can (or even have) to impress her with your experience. Well, this couldn’t be further from the truth. You see, all those travels, all those crazy things you have had the luck to put inside your life-bag can make you an extremely interesting person but, fail to tell them in the correct dosage and you will end up as a douchebag, know-it-all kind of guy. We don’t want that, right?
Well, here’s the deal. How to administrate that experience and turn it to your favor? There’re few things you should consider. I myself made the mistake of wanting to tell her how I’ve been climbing in Patagonia, diving in Galapagos, cruising through the jungle in Bolivia or heli skiing in Iceland, etc. If you would be a woman, you would probably think I’m unbearable already ahahha! But the truth is; I never wanted to tell those experiences to make her feel like she has done nothing in her life or that my existence is far more interesting than hers. The other way around, I just wanted to tell her how much I enjoy life and how much of my time I have devoted to appreciate my time on this planet. However, the result was: in two whatsapp messages, she put me in my place! This is what I’ve learned from that.
Step 1: Listen, for fuck sake’s listen
Let her do the talking. Let her open up and dazzle you first. Then, when a common point arise (say, a travel you both did) then relate to that, enhance her experience by giving input from your own. Never tell her: “Oh yeah, I’ve done that already”. This way, the conversation becomes an exchange and you both can contribute to the common subject, making it pleasant and showing her that you’re not there to compete.
Step 2: Avoid sharing your knowledge/experience in a lesson/teaching format
Let’s be fair. No one wants a freaking professor that wants to teach you something every 2 minutes. Your knowledge is valuable but, the “let me teach you something” format is completely annoying. This approach is very easy to confuse with the will of contributing to someone’s life by sharing some insight on a subject you know very well.
If you have the desire to help, then ask first if this is ok. Be sure that your opinion will be appreciated before you just throw it out there.
Step 3: Don’t try to man-handle all situations
I know, I know… it’s very difficult not to confuse being charming with this attitude. You want to be the perfect gent, you want to treat her and show that you can take care of everything. Wrong.
If you’re like me and you like strong, independent and self-confident women, you’ll find yourself being just a joke and making her feel like you just want to buy her out. Be delicate about this. Act respectfully and, once again, ask diligently for her approval to treat her, when possible.
If you kindly ask “Would you allow me to invite you this one and you can take the next one”? It will make her feel leveled and you will also allow for the chance of being treated by her. Build equality and everything will run smoother.
Step 4: The gentleman concept has evolved
Last but not least. It’s crucial to understand that the gentleman from today is completely different. We have to adapt to the times, be flexible and not think of that old smelling thing our parents thought of being charismatic and masculine. A gentleman is sophisticated and that means is not an arrogant pig that thinks he can control everything just because he’s a man.
Apply these simple concepts and you’ll find yourself in a much better position to deal with the girl of your dream. At the end of the day is better to be the best frog in the pond than the asshole prince in the castle!